妳-3

我豁出去了

在回台中的前夕
我傳了好幾封的簡訊
跟他說我這幾年來心裡對他的暗戀
因為我知道，再不說我可能永遠也不敢有這勇氣
在一連串的簡訊過後，我打了這一封：

〝如果你覺得你不介意這樣的我，就傳個簡訊或是打個電話來，響一聲也好，讓我知道我
還可以跟你做朋友〞

我等到隔天上了往台中的車，到了宿舍，卻還是沒接到你的隻字片語
我想，我們連朋友都作不成了吧...

隔天晚上為了發洩情緒
跟同學去球場打球
打完球，發現手機有一個未接來電
打開看到一個熟悉的號碼
是你

欣喜若狂的我，在球場上高興地跳來跳去
因為至少，我們還是可以作朋友
只是我心裡一直放不下
那段我曾經有過的過去
妳依然在我心裡有著一個專屬的房間

可以說是命運作弄人
我們卻又再次失去聯絡
這一次
我選擇遺忘

妳-2

一天晚上，你打電話來我家
哭著問我說，可不可以來我家住幾天
我第一次聽到你哭，我也慌了
跟我媽隨便編一個理由，就答應了你
到了我們約定的定點，看著你滿臉淚痕地坐在摩托車上
你跟我說，你爸爸今天喝了酒，打了你一巴掌
拜託我在帶你回家，讓你拿一些衣物還有書包等東西
我帶你回去，拿了東西，也聽到你爸在發酒瘋的聲音
我想衝進去打人，但你阻止了我，只叫我趕快帶你回我家

晚上，我們躺在一起
你跟我說了很多你家裡面的紛亂
媽媽因為家暴離開，躲在一個親戚家，來不及帶你走
邊說邊哭的你，最後累的睡著了
我躺在你身邊，為你感到難過，卻又感到幸福

那幾天
我們除了上課時間外都在一起
你知道嗎？
每天晚上我躺在你旁邊，心情很複雜
我很希望我不只是你暫時的避難所
而是能更久遠更快樂更進一步的關係
那幾天，是我人生當中最值得回憶的幾天吧....

過幾天，你媽媽接你過去了
我們兩個又回復到以前那種關係
不過跟以前不同的是，我們走的更近
因為有了一段跟別的朋友不一樣的回憶


後來，我上了大學，你跟你媽媽搬到另一個地方
為了躲你爸爸，你們不斷地換地點跟電話
我們慢慢地失去聯絡
但是你在我心裡，一直都是佔最大位置的那一個
我沒辦法忘記你，因為你是我的初戀
雖然是一段沒有結果的感情，但卻是一段很美好的回憶

後來，我開始試著找你
因為我實在沒辦法忘記你
我上BBS，上各大尋人網站，透過各種管道想要找到你
我知道機會很渺茫，因為你跟你們班上同學的感情不太親近
我找了一個多月，心裡也開始慢慢地接受我們兩個可能再也見不到面的時候

一天晚上，一個莫名的號碼出現在我手機
我接起來，就聽到你不變的聲音

〝還記得我是誰嗎？〞

我差點說出，我怎麼忘的了
聽的出來你也找我一段時間了
要不是正好你一個還有在聯絡的同學在BBS上看到我在找你的消息
我們可能永遠不會在見面

我們又回到以前那種情況
只是每天見面變成了簡訊
過去的感覺又回來了
這次不同的是───我多了想要追你的勇氣

我趁放假回高雄的時候
想要把我的話跟你說
可是我怕你不接受，甚至排斥
我不想連朋友都作不成
心理建設了很久，終於，我決定先打簡訊問你~
〝你有沒有男朋友？〞

當他的訊息傳回來，給我的回答是肯定的時候
我知道，一切都不用說了

妳-1 (04/09/30)

這是從舊個版移來的
兩年多以前的文章....

高二那一年，我轉學到離家很遠的一間小小高中
轉學生的身分， 讓我在那個小小的圈子裡顯的格格不入
放學了， 在校車上 ，我一個人坐在窗子邊發呆
想著好像沒有未來的未來

突然， 一個甜甜的聲音傳過來
「我可以坐這裡嗎？」
我抬頭一看，一個個子小小的女孩，指著我身旁的空位對我說
「喔，好阿」我也就這樣回答了
這個回答，也開始我們兩個的情誼

你是高一新生，我是高二新生
我們家裡住的雖然不近，但卻在同一站下車
很奇怪的，我們兩個一談即合
每天見面就哇拉哇拉的講不完
別人都覺得很奇怪，一個高一，一個高二
兩個生活圈子不相干的人，怎會好成這樣？

那時候我還不知道自己是拉
應該說還不確定....
雖然我很男孩子氣，不管是個性或是長相
但是碰到你之後，我就有一種奇妙的感覺
不知道怎麼說，但心裡就是這樣認定
跟你在一起讓我很快樂
這種快樂跟我以前和朋友同學在一起的那種快樂不一樣

慢慢地
我對你，多了比朋友更多的那一絲感情
我開始習慣每天看到你，跟你說生活裡的事
學業、人際、家庭
我知道你一直都是一個很受人喜歡的女孩子
不管在班上或是在平常生活中
你身邊不乏追求者跟仰慕者
但是我就是願意在你身邊
默默地當一個地下的守護者
我不敢說出來，因為我不知道你是否接受

高二下，你問我
要不要跟你一起騎你的摩托車上下課
我當然說好
因為這樣，我就有更多的時間可以跟你在一起

就這樣，我們兩個每天一起騎摩托車上下課
因為節省了多時間
所以下課後我們常常就一起騎著車到處去玩
我愛玩，也知道很多好玩的地方
你也很高興地跟我到處跑
你以為我是高雄通
其實我只是努力找地方，想多跟你再一起一點時間

Time

It's been almost three years.
Three years, it quite a long time.
Long enough to forget how to feel, long enough to become hardened.
There are a lot of things to remember and to learn.
But I will try my best.
Please dont push me too hard.
I just need a little bit more time to get used to it.

79屆奧斯卡海報 75句經典台詞

79th Academy Awards® Poster - Quote List

"Can't you see I have you Chump? Get me some viskey!" from "The Great Ziegfeld," 1936

"Sometimes you're so beautiful it just gags me" from "You Can't Take It with You," 1938

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" from "Gone with the Wind," 1939

"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" from "The Wizard of Oz," 1939

"I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool" from "Rebecca," 1940

"Rosebud" from "Citizen Kane," 1941

"Here's looking at you, kid" from "Casablanca," 1943

"No, a golf course is nothing but a pool room moved outdoors" from "Going My Way," 1944

"One's too many an'a hundred's not enough!" from "The Lost Weekend," 1945

"I've seen nothing. I should have stayed at home and found out what was really going on" from "The Best Years of Our Lives," 1946

"You don't want much. You just want the moon. …with parsley!" from "Gentleman's Agreement," 1947

"Frailty, thy name is woman!" from "Hamlet," 1948

"You throw money around like it was money" from "All the King's Men," 1949

"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup" from "Sunset Blvd.,"1950

"STELLA!" from "A Streetcar Named Desire," 1951

"Well, what am I? I'm a private no-class dogface. The way most civilians look at that, that's two steps up from nothin'" from "From Here to Eternity," 1953

"I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am" from "On the Waterfront," 1954

"An Englishman never jokes about a wager, sir" from "Around the World in 80 Days," 1956

"All work and no play make Jack a dull boy" from "The Bridge on the River Kwai," 1957

"Such stupidity is without equal in the entire history of human relations" from "Gigi," 1958

"You can break a man's skull. You can arrest him. You can throw him into a dungeon. But how do you control what's up here? How do you fight an idea?" from "Ben-Hur," 1959

"When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara" from "The Apartment," 1960

"Come in, come in! We won't bite you--till we know you better" from "West Side Story," 1961

"No prisoners! No prisoners!" from "Lawrence of Arabia," 1962

"It is widely held that too much wine will dull a man's desire. Indeed it will, in a dull man" from "Tom Jones," 1963

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room" from "Dr. Strangelove," 1964

"The Von Trapp children don't play. They march" from "The Sound of Music," 1965

"Hope that was an empty bottle George! You can't afford to waste good liquor, not on your salary!" from "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" 1966

"They call me MISTER Tibbs!" from "In the Heat of the Night," 1967

"What we've got here is failure to communicate" from "Cool Hand Luke," 1967

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL" from "2001: A Space Odyssey," 1968

"Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?" from "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," 1969

"I'm walking here! I'm walking here!" from "Midnight Cowboy," 1969

"We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're going to go through him like crap through a goose!" from "Patton," 1970

"This is Doyle. I'm sittin' on Frog One" from "The French Connection," 1971

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse" from "The Godfather," 1972

"I love it when guys peel out" from "American Graffiti," 1973

"Well, to tell ya the truth, I lied a little" from "Chinatown, 1974

"Hit me, Chief! I got the moves!" from "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest," 1975

"Attica! Attica!" from "Dog Day Afternoon," 1975

"I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" from "Network," 1976

"Follow the money" from "All the President’s Men," 1976

"The Force is strong with this one!" from "Star Wars," 1977

"Stanley, ya see this? This is this. This ain't something else. This is this. From now on, you're on your own" from "The Deer Hunter," 1978

"The horror. The horror" from "Apocalypse Now," 1979

"I am not an animal. I am a human being. I am a man" from "The Elephant Man," 1980

"Wanna dance? Or would you rather just suck face?" from "On Golden Pond," 1981

"E.T. phone home," from "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial," 1982

"Who was the best pilot I ever saw? Well, uh, you're lookin' at 'im" from "The Right Stuff," 1983

"Wind in the hair! Lead in the pencil!" from "Terms of Endearment," 1983

"Do I ice 'er? Do I marry 'er?" from "Prizzi's Honor," 1985

"Shut up! Shut up and take the pain! Take the pain!" from "Platoon," 1986

"Snap out of it!" from "Moonstruck," 1987

"Greed is good" from "Wall Street," 1987

"Ten minutes to Wapner" from "Rain Man," 1988

"If you build it, he will come" from "Field of Dreams," 1989

"In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight" from "Pretty Woman," 1990

"Good evening, Clarice" from "The Silence of the Lambs," 1991

"You can't handle the truth!" from "A Few Good Men," 1992

"The truth, Helen, is always the right answer" from "Schindler's List," 1993

"My Momma always said 'Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get" from "Forrest Gump," 1994

"Show me the money!" from "Jerry Maguire," 1996

"You had me at hello" from "Jerry Maguire," 1996

"I'm the king of the world!" from "Titanic," 1997

"You make me want to be a better man" from "As Good As It Gets," 1997

"Off the record, on the QT, and very Hush-Hush" from "L.A. Confidential," 1997

"I am a dead man and buggered to boot" from "Shakespeare in Love," 1998

"Remember those posters that said ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life?’ Well, that's true of every day except one--the day you die" from "American Beauty," 1999

"My name is Gladiator" from "Gladiator," 2000

"Frodo!" from "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring," 2001

"Give 'em the old razzle dazzle" from "Chicago," 2002

"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little" from "Seabiscuit," 2003

"Don't jive me, man" from "Ray," 2004

"No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving" from "Sideways," 2004

"I wish I knew how to quit you" from "Brokeback Mountain," 2005

新工作

今天下午看見自己的名字出現在錄取名單中的時候
心裡偷偷小歡呼一下
沒想到昨天膽敢質疑面試官的我還可以錄取
本來還想說昨天騎兩個小時到南科去是浪費時間
幸好有了回報

不過也不能說沒有猶豫啦
畢竟奇美操是出了名的
但是薪水跟福利都還不錯
想說忍一忍做一陣子賺夠錢再說吧
如果依照他那種上班方式應該也沒多少花錢機會

不過台南耶....
真遠

整理

嗯，禮拜六晚上從台北回來了
這次算是真正結束了
臨上車前看了台北最後一眼
以後....可能只會在過年的時候回去了吧

這篇文章很亂

從聽到消息那一刻開始，心情就面臨了非常大的起伏
我找不到一個我可以發洩的管道
從小習慣壓抑感情，我變得不會處理這些事

就像很多跟我差不多年代的小孩一樣
我是外婆帶大的
那間在山上的磚瓦房就是我小時候的全部
我是最大的外孫女，還有大我五六歲的表哥，小我四歲的表妹
我們三個是她一手帶大，也是跟她感情最好的

從告別式開始我的眼淚沒有停過
我看得出來所有人都被嚇到了
因為我從來沒有這麼傷心失控過
棺木送進爐子裡的時候我是被人拉走的
說實在我真的有衝動想過去叫阿婆醒醒
可是我只能跪在地上喊阿婆快走，火要來了

我不是長孫，所以很多事情都插不上手
但是我也好想捧著阿婆的照片，抱抱她的骨灰罈
跟妳說他們把妳畫的好美，雖然妳本來就很美

我帶回來了妳的一條手鏈，一個戒指
還有妳最愛的一塊玉
我知道妳不期望我們做大事賺大錢
只希望我們平安長大、好好唸書、將來可以孝順爸媽
這些我都會做到的
只是我也很想孝順妳.....